In my “Personal Branding” Professional MBA class and “Leading with Purpose” Executive MBA class at the University of Colorado Denver, my students engage in 360 perception research. In this self-discovery work, my students ask their personal and professional key stakeholders to answer questions about the students. Also, prior to reviewing the key stakeholders’ feedback, the students must answer the same questions about themselves. These questions are methodically and intentionally designed to gauge the external perception and internal, self-projected presentations of their personal brands to identify areas of validation and gap. I have purposefully selected two of the questions in this 360 perception research to demonstrate one of the biggest misconceptions that stood out in my observation.

1. What do you think are my top strengths? Please list up to three strengths.

2. What ONE word would you choose to describe me? Why have you chosen this word for me?

For more than 10 years, the most common strength listed for question one and the one word answer for question two has been, “driven.” It is also the one word my wife has chosen for me. For the most part, we embrace “driven” as a positive, complimentary attribute. However, my work with clients and students, along with my own self-discovery and reflection, have revealed the subtle, and yet vastly different, ways in which “driven” and “drive” can impact our personal and professional lives.

Driven vs. Drive:

Understanding “Being Driven” – Being driven often implies external forces or factors that push us forward. Most commonly, we would say we are driven by something or someone. When we are being driven by someone, we are in the passenger’s seat, not in the driver’s seat. A passenger being driven indicates a passive role in contrast to proactively driving.

When this metaphor of being driven versus driving is applied to our life aspirations, purpose, and motivation, it may take on more harmful consequences.

Here are some of the most common pitfalls of solely being driven by extrinsic motivational factors:

• Burnout from meeting others’ expectations.

• Loss of authenticity and personal goals.

• Limited resilience during challenging times.

Power of “Driving” Yourself – On the flip side, driving oneself originates from an internal well of motivation, purpose, and passion. It’s about setting intentional goals, staying true to your values, and maintaining a relentless pursuit of self-fulfillment aligned to your purpose in life. You are intentionally and actively driving towards your aspired direction from the driver’s seat. Let's explore the elements that make up this intrinsic drive and how to cultivate them.

• Purpose: Define your authentic purpose for life by answering the following:

  • For what purpose do you exist?

  • What do you want your life to stand for?

  • For whom is your purpose meaningful, relevant, and impactful?

  • What experiences and reflections can you leverage to ensure that your purpose is truly meaningful and is your own?

• Passion: Define what you are truly passionate about by answering the following:

  • What do you love?

  • Who do you love?

  • What invokes raw emotions inside of you?

  • For what causes would you stand up and fight ?

  • What activities make you lose track of time when you are doing them?

• Personal Brand Values: Define what core values you will live by and never compromise by answering the following:

  • What ONE word would you choose to describe the life you led and represent the legacy you left behind?

• Self R&D: In what intentional activities do you invest to improve yourself and ensure you are constantly growing both personally and professionally?

• Growth Mindset: Do you practice growth mindset when faced with challenges by embracing them as opportunities for growth and learning?

Control vs. Command:

My encouragement for you to actively drive does not require you to be in control of every single thing in your life. That is an impossible task. Rather, leading your life from the driver’s seat requires you to be in command, which empowers you to keep your focus on the long-term vision of your life and not sweat the everyday happenings you can’t control. While these two words may come across similar, they have very different applications and impact when it comes to leading your life with purpose.

Control

• Definition: Being in control often implies a reactive stance, responding to external circumstances as they arise.

• Characteristics:

  • Reactiveness - Emotional reactions to external events or factors, usually from a place of fear, insecurity, and/or deficit mindset.

  • Short-Term Focus - Often focused on addressing immediate challenges and receiving adrenalin hits from putting out fires, but unable to develop visions, long-term goals, or sustainable solutions. In extreme cases, an individual may start fires when there is peace and stability simply to create an unhealthy validation of his/her self-worth.

  • Dependence on External Validation: One’s self-esteem may be contingent on meeting societal/cultural/family expectations, extrinsic scorecards, and/or acceptance by others.

• Psychological Implications:

  • Stress and Anxiety - Constantly reacting to external factors can lead to heightened stress and anxiety, as being in control is only perceived and not actual.

  • Temporary Solutions - Control may provide temporary relief but might not address the root causes or develop sustainable, long-term solutions.

Being in Command: Embracing Intentional Self-Leadership

• Definition: Being in command involves an intentional approach to designing, living, refining, and validating one's life path.

• Characteristics:

  • Intentionality - Initiating actions grounded in your purpose, vision, and personal brand values.

  • Long-Term Vision - Command considers the bigger picture and long-term objectives aligned with your vision.

  • Internal Locus of Control - Command is rooted in internal beliefs and decisions that are grounded in your purpose and personal brand values.

• Psychological Implications:

  • Empowerment - Command fosters a sense of empowerment, as you actively shape the future you desire.

  • Alignment with Values - Command encourages actions aligned with personal brand values, leading you to experience a more fulfilling life.

  • Resilience and Confidence - The intentional nature of command builds resilience in the face of challenges and cultivates an authentic sense of confidence from a proven track record of overcoming challenges.

Why You Want to Drive:

1. Sense of Agency

• Psychological Reasoning: The concept of agency refers to the belief that your actions have a direct impact on your life. Taking command instills a sense of agency, where you perceive and experience yourself as an active agent capable of influencing your own destiny.

• Benefits:

  • Empowerment - Feeling in control enhances your self-esteem and confidence.

  • Motivation - Believing in your ability to effect change fosters a proactive and intentional mindset.

2. Reduction of Stress and Anxiety

• Psychological Reasoning: Since being in control is only perceived and not actual, when you experience a lack of control, it can lead to feelings of helplessness, contributing to stress and anxiety. Taking command reduces uncertainty and provides a sense of intentionality and stability towards your long-term vision.

• Benefits:

  • Stress Reduction - Actively and intentionally leading your life reduces the impact of external stressors.

  • Emotional Resilience - Validation from the intentional command over your life fosters genuine resilience in the face of challenges.

3. Alignment with Values and Authenticity

• Psychological Reasoning: Living in accordance with your personal brand values and authentic self creates psychological well-being. Also, taking command involves making intentional choices aligned with your purpose in life.

• Benefits:

  • Increased Fulfillment - Living authentically enhances the level of fulfillment in your life.

  • Reduced Cognitive Dissonance - Intentionally aligning your decisions and actions with your personal brand values reduces internal conflicts.

4. Sense of Purpose and Direction

• Psychological Reasoning: Taking command involves setting and pursuing meaningful objectives and effective goals that are aligned with your purpose in life.

• Benefits:

  • Motivation - Clear goals provide motivation and direction.

  • Positive Outlook - A sense of purpose contributes to a positive outlook on life.

5. Enhanced Self-Efficacy

• Psychological Reasoning: Self-efficacy refers to a belief in your ability to make mindful decisions, to take intentional actions, and to achieve goals. Taking command nurtures a strong sense of self-efficacy.

• Benefits:

  • Increased Confidence - Commanding over your accomplishments and perseverance through challenges enhances your authentic self-confidence.

  • Perseverance - Increased self-efficacy empowers you to a greater level of perseverance in the face of challenges.

6. Adaptability and Growth Mindset

• Psychological Reasoning: Taking command involves practicing a growth mindset and embracing challenges as you focus on your long-term vision for life. This mindset helps you to embrace setbacks as opportunities for learning and growth.

• Benefits:

  • Resilience - Learning from the challenges and growing from the hard-earned lessons enhance your resilience during setbacks.

  • Adaptability - You will become more adaptable to change, as you see the pivots as purposeful and mindful decisions towards your vision in life, rather than knee-jerk reactions.

Through the purposeful work I just shared, I am happy to report that I am actively driving, deeply grounded in my intentionality, and commanding my path from the driver’s seat.

As a coach, my mission is to help you understand the difference between being in control and being in command, so that you are intentionally driving with an intrinsic compass, and guiding yourself with authentic confidence. Taking command of your life is not about controlling every aspect but rather about intentionally focusing on your larger vision for life. By embracing your power of choice to drive, you can cultivate a commanding mindset, make mindful decisions and implement intentional actions that can lead you to the future you envision. So, let’s embark on this empowering journey together, and let me know how I may help you to navigate life with clarity, purpose, and confidence.