I once heard an established executive coach claim that his job is “to ensure his clients do not get fired”. This was an interesting position from which the coach chose to lead. Motivating individuals to “not have something bad happen to them” is grounded in a deficit mindset and led by fear. This executive’s tactic motivated me to examine this fear and explore what else is available besides this singular objective of living every day to make sure we don’t get fired. Before you read any further, if you find professional fulfillment or satisfaction with your current job and career choice, please choose another blog. This is not for you.

However, if some of you ever had doubts about your job or career path and suffered from toxic leadership, individuals, or organizational culture, I welcome you to read on. I sincerely hope you will be able to find some comfort knowing you are not alone and there is nothing wrong with you.

Unfortunately, I have worked for toxic leadership, with narcissistic individuals and in poisonous organizational cultures. In every situation, I simply endured the unhealthy atmosphere rather than doing something to change it. I internalized what was happening both around and to me. It wasn’t until I took my first brave step in 2002 to choose my well-being and leave the toxic organization that I realized there is more to life than living in fear of getting fired.

I once asked my students this question: “What is the opposite of getting fired?” They said: “Quitting”. So, I asked a follow-up question “Who wants to quit and become a quitter?” Not a single hand went up. There is nothing positive about quitting or being a quitter in our society. Nobody wants to be labeled as a quitter. I challenged my students to push their thinking further on this topic. A student raised a hand and stated: “The opposite of getting fired is leaving.”. Bingo! Words matter. While quitting is associated with not having resilience or perseverance and may be a character flaw, leaving is a conscious decision one makes with a sense of ownership. You are making the choice to leave. You are in the driver’s seat, making the decision and taking action to step on the accelerator. You are in charge. You have power.

The decision to leave a paying job, regardless of the pay, is very difficult. We live in a capitalist society where we must generate enough income to cover the basics of living, taking care of families, and raising children. We live complex lives, laden with financial, emotional, and practical considerations. While there is nothing easy about making the decision to leave, there are strategic steps you can take to simplify the process a bit.

At this pivotal moment in one’s professional journey, with a profound impact on one’s personal life, there are two paths one will have to face. Let’s walk through those paths.

Living in Fear:

The fear of getting fired is deeply rooted in our psyche. It's not just about losing a paycheck; it threatens our sense of security, identity, self-worth, and belonging. Psychologically, this fear taps into the basic human needs for safety, stability, and belonging. It's also intertwined with our social identity, cultural expectation, and peer pressure, as our jobs often define our place in family, culture, and society. The anxiety and stress from living with the fear of getting fired can be overwhelming, forcing us into a state of constant apprehension and self-scrutiny.

If some of us struggle with Imposter Syndrome, this fear of getting fired can crank up the volume of that “you are not enough” inner voice to a dangerous level. It will unjustly reinforce all our insecurities and self-doubts. Also, having to constantly operate in a deficit position full of uncertainty will have a trickle-down effect on our personal lives. We won’t have the energy or ambition to pursue activities that bring us joy, excitement, or fulfillment. And if any of these activities require financial commitment, we are likely to take a conservative position to save because we don’t know when we will get fired. It becomes a vicious cycle of working in fear for five days a week and desperately trying to recharge the dying battery of your soul over the weekend, just so you can survive the upcoming five days of misery all over again. Toxic people and culture have a sneaky way of grooming you to believe you are not capable of nor good enough to deserve respect, appreciation, and happiness. I have been there more than once, and it was absolutely agonizing.

If you are thinking of leaving the vicious cycle of misery, you will be overwhelmed by the uncertainties that await you in the wild and uncharted territory. You may think settling for the certainties you are familiar with is a better decision. However, I will challenge you to consider whether you really have certainty in your job if the fear of getting fired is the main driver for your misery. What you may be settling for is familiarity, not certainty. You are simply used to the system, culture, space, and people, regardless of whether they have a positive impact on you. There is comfort in familiarity, but there is no exhilaration, fulfillment, or happiness in it. If you want to choose a new path forward rather than simply living your life trying not to get fired, please read on.

Brave Choice into the Unknown:

Stepping blindly into the uncertainty without preparation is not what I promote. Making the mindful decision to bravely explore the wild and uncharted land of opportunities requires methodical planning and deep self-reflections.

Let’s start with your “why” and “why not”. Have you defined your purpose in life? Once you have clarity on your purpose, you can assess why your current situation is aligned with your purpose or why it is not. If you can identify all the reasons why your current job or career is not aligned with your purpose, you must determine whether you have the authority, influence, or autonomy to make the meaningful changes you need in your situation. If you do, start implementing those changes to improve the current situation and better align to your purpose. If you do not, your only option may be leaving.

Additional reflections on your personal brand values, vision, and passion will provide you with the depth and breadth of your personal data points to make informed and mindful decisions.

The pragmatic planning will require you to conduct an internal assessment of skill sets/capacity and external exploration of job market/career opportunities. What skills, tools, knowledge and experiences do you own in your portfolio? What is your capacity to take on new tasks, roles and responsibilities to grow vertically in your career path? Based on objective and thorough self assessment of your offerings, what job market and career opportunities may provide an effective alignment to what you are capable of and aspire to do? Both internal and external assessments require secondary research on published data available online, and primary research of speaking with as many individuals as possible. Tapping into your trusted network to review, critique, and refine your portfolio of skills, tools, knowledge, experiences, and capacity is imperative in objective and effective presentation to future employers and clients. Reaching out to experts and professionals in career paths, industries, and organizations you aspire to work in will help you immensely. Learning directly from those who may already be on the path you want to pursue can reveal the direct, relevant and authentic information you need to reassess and validate your decisions. These informal interviews with experts and professionals may lead to opening doors, being connected to the influencers, and realizing opportunities beyond your imagination.

When you have properly prepared and planned, you can take the steps to leave with a deep sense of conviction and trust in yourself.

The mindful choice to put yourself first and the process of planning to take brave actions come with healthy benefits:

Autonomy and Self-Determination Theory: According to this theory, you will be more motivated and engaged when you are in command of your own actions. When you make choices that serve your own purpose and personal brand values, you will experience a true sense of autonomy, which is a fundamental psychological need. This autonomy will enhance your overall sense of well-being.

Agency and Empowerment: Making your own choices fosters a sense of agency, the feeling that you are actively driving and commanding your own life. The empowerment you experience is crucial for self-efficacy, deepening the belief in your ability to influence events that impact your life.

Identity Formation and Personal Growth: Choices that serve you are grounded in your personal brand values and beliefs, crucial in identity formation and personal growth. Your intentional decisions reflect and reinforce who you are as a person and who you aspire to be.

Psychological Ownership: The intentional choices you make, aligned with your purpose will lead to a sense of psychological ownership over your life. This authentic sense of ownership increases the commitment to your choices and outcomes, which creates a healthy cycle of validation and motivation.

Resilience and Coping: Making your own choices, especially in challenging situations, cultivates resilience. It helps you to develop effective and meaningful coping strategies that are tailored to your needs and circumstances. Overcoming the difficulties with your own mindful decisions and intentional actions builds your own muscle of resilience, which you will flex instinctively over time.

The paradigm between the fear of getting fired and the brave decision to choose yourself and leave is deeply personal and multifaceted. It’s a path paved with fears, hopes, uncertainty, and a search for meaning. Whether you settle for job security or take a methodically planned leap towards self-fulfillment, remember that this decision is a significant step in your personal and professional growth. The most critical element is truly and deeply understanding your motivations, fears, and aspirations, to make intentional choices that align with your authentic self and purpose in life.

I have made these intentional and scary choices more times than my wife cares to remember. Each time I made these decisions, they brought fear and anxiety to my wife, who is on the opposite spectrum of the risk tolerance scale as me. However, when I landed more meaningful and fulfilling opportunities which were also accompanied by higher financial rewards, my wife was reassured of my decisions. The opportunities did not come easy. I had to navigate through uncertain and uncharted landscape to earn them. After my first decision in 2002, I reflected on that decision in order to validate the struggles, find meanings, and deem the suffering worthy based on the outcomes. Now I am able to practice hyperconsciousness and reflect in real time to persevere through the struggles and find fulfillment in my intentional actions as I am going through the process. I am able to flex my resilience muscle, validate my work, find joy in small wins, and recharge myself to push toward fulfilling my purpose in life.

Are you at this crossroads? Would you like to share your experiences and thoughts? Let’s discuss and support each other in making these life-changing decisions.